All choked up

I was generator challenged this morning.  Attempting to conserve power by starting our small generator, my brain found it’s well worn groove and executed the same maneuver 3 separate times even walking away between each try so as not to “flood” the poor machine.  Finally, dejected, I called David and asked why the generator might choose today of all days to cease functioning.  His usual reply, “user error, perhaps?”  Convinced I followed the proper protocol, this did not seem likely.  Having no choice but to try another approach, I switched the choke button to the opposite position and it started right up.  Only thing is, I continued to let it run on choke...   At this point in time, I have started this generator on a multitude of occasions.  My brain doesn’t feel especially foggy this morning – not any foggier than usual I should say.  But I now have scrambled eggs for brains when I attempt to think about where the choke button should be…

Last night at our homeowners meeting (we actually loosely call ourselves the “homelosers”), many of my dear neighbors shared similar issues with their memory.  Apparently it’s quite common.  Maybe operation of a generator wouldn’t throw them into a spin but they are certainly feeling the effects. David reticently shared having sent the wrong contract to his esteemed colleague and sensing a thread of irritation in the fella’s email.  In my blog yesterday, I asked for patience with us during this time.  Can we also have signs made saying, “Fire Related CRS in effect here, proceed with caution”?  CRS is that old-timers disease of “Can’t Remember Shit”.  The cylinders simply are not firing on all…. How many cylinders are there?  All 4, all 8?  Anyway, you get the metaphor. 

In our group of homelosers we comprehend each other without much explanation.  Knowing looks, partial smiles, then genuine laughter at our common peril filled the room.  For a relatively diverse group of folks, we are doing quite well together.  We are dividing the tasks, researching important issues such as property tax valuation (what it is and what it should be), cost per acre to first remove all the blackened toothpicks and then replace them with what a real tree is supposed to look like, and many other land related issues, as well as various deadlines we need to know for filing our complaints against the state.  The meetings have fallen into a natural rhythm with some of us preparing the agenda, others of us leading the meeting (me), and taking turns being secretary.  We have our own website where we share and disseminate information and we continue with community outreach supported by the Mountain Resource Center.  Last night, a local business brought us new clothes (ooooolala !!!) – sweatshirts and t-shirts with “Evergreen, Colorado” blazoned proudly across the chest.  We snatched them up eagerly like kids at Christmas.  I wore my new fuzzy zippered hoody out in to the rain.  We let ourselves enjoy the small stuff.

Today, most of us will venture down to the city, this time to witness the Governor signing the bill we lobbied for and got passed which removes the state’s immunity if they burn down your house or kill your loved ones due to a state mandated controlled burn.  This doesn’t say they will actually compensate victims, it says they can.  We still have to prove our cases which is another story for another day.  In preparation for this and knowing there will be media opps, we decided to align with a message.  One of our group read the prepared statement and cried through most of the middle where it described our losses and the deaths of our neighbors.  And, we carried on, knowing we are in this together for the long haul.  Like family, we are bonded in a way that most people won’t experience unless you go through “fire” with others.  Occasionally tempers flare, but mostly we work together beautifully.  We voted on a few potentially divisive issues and were unanimous in our agreement.  How can that happen with a group of more than 30?  Many neighbors had friendships prior, some were complete strangers and all of us are experiencing the stress and strain of our new lives, yet we are united.

I will greet them all with hugs at our fine Capitol.  We all have fallen into that routine.  We will stand shoulder to shoulder as we watch our Governor sign the bill that many said wouldn’t happen.  Many others acknowledged the speed with which our testimonies and unrelenting efforts caused a legislative shift.  Apparently, it doesn’t usually happen that quickly if it happens at all.  We stood for us, and those who might be affected in the future.  We stood for what was right. 

The fumes I caused from my over revving generator debacle are clearing out of Flame.  The birds are singing their morning hellos.  My phone is beeping telling me all the things I need to start doing.  My dogs are roaming in their now known boundary.  The sun is warming my feet.  I glance around at this little space inside of Flame and feel comforted.  Everything I buy is red to match her interior.  If it’s not red, it just won’t work.  Although, I compromised at my purple lap pillow for my Mac as my love affair with purple continues on.  Today the dogs go to daycare where they will have baths and toenails trimmed.  They will have playtime with their downtown Denver counter parts as I walk the halls of the Capitol. 

Last night driving home, I saw one of the most intense rainbows I have ever seen.  The colors sharp against the light grey sky.  I pulled over to take a picture and couldn’t find my phone anywhere.  I searched to no avail until the rainbow faded a bit.  It continued to stay in front of me as I made my way up the mountain.  Wondering if the pot of gold pointed at my property, I considered many views of this encounter.  What does it mean?  Is this God speaking to me?  Are my angels singing their songs?  Ultimately, I decided that it was light reflecting on moisture – no more and no less.  But that didn’t make it any less glorious. 

It turns out the pot of gold didn’t end at my property. But Flame’s sleek silver profile was there to greet me, as was the tail end of a Colorado sunset. Now I must get my tail in gear, my butt in my birdbath and select from my limited wardrobe of what to wear to meet the Gov, spend a day in the hot city and then join our beloveds to celebrate their daughters 16th at Benihana. I will pack for a day in the car bringing essential items – things to mail, to return, a project I am working on, my ever growing list of what needs to be done, my latest check from the insurance company, water and leashes for the dogs and snacks for me. I will surely forget something. I will look for the rainbows out there in the world and question the meaning of life and the existence of God. I will make calls from the car on my headset, talk to a client from the road, swear at the slow drivers and then say I’m sorry. I will wonder about the future, and I will focus being in today. I will shed a tear or more with my neighbors as we celebrate one task accomplished off our ginormous list.

This is my life.  This is the new “normal”.  

It aint over 'til the fat lady sings

After two days of clouds, snow, rain and mist, the sun is shining brightly today.  We have had June weather in March, and now March weather in May.  Seems Mother Nature cannot make up her mind.  This is the joy of Colorado living. 

Yesterday, my neighbors and I took our third trip to the Capitol.  This time to testify in front of a Senate committee about the future of what has now become two bills to assist victims of the fire.  After pressure from the press (primarily Channel 7), the Governor, Attorney General and legislators from both sides of the aisle came together in a press conference to declare their desire to work together.  Our testimonies last week in front of the house were very different than last night in front of the senate.  Something was shifting in big government and we could sense it in the room.  Hardened lawmakers were softening up and actually wiping away tears as they listened to our words.  The senators that sponsored the bill both got choked up as they presented their case.  All of us were more emotional too.  Yes we are tired and yes it’s hard to tell the story over and over but it seemed we were even rawer and tears flowed from most of us as we shared in front of this strangely sympathetic group. 

The bill passed 5-0 and they took what was supposed to be a 5-minute recess before resuming what was sure to be a long night for them.  Five minutes stretched to at least 20 as they took time to shake our hands and offer hugs.  Hugs from senators?  What was going on here?  I swear love was in the air – humans experiencing each other’s pain and sorrow; a willingness to be with all of it.  Many remarked that they couldn’t even begin to understand – and they were committed to making it right. 

We had learned the night before that we needed to be there at 10:30am.  Of course we rallied, cancelling plans, changing appointments and declaring our ongoing unity as a group.  We ended up sitting and waiting for a couple hours in the morning with no idea of what was going to happen.  Finally around 12pm, we were told to come back for a 4 or 5pm appearance.  Daunted but still determined, we pulled out our phone tree of who would call whom and said our goodbyes.  I watched our group, aging from mid 20’s to mid 80’s walk back out into the misty rain and felt another level of kinship with these people many of whom were strangers a mere month ago.  We have bonded the way only survivors do.  We know what we are seeing when we look into each other’s eyes.  We share a hard-earned camaraderie.  I felt for the elderly neighbors who by choice live miles and miles away from the chaos of downtown.  What were they to do during our break?  No one complained, the commitment was so great.  There was no question we would be back. 

Returning at 3:30pm, we sat again and waited even longer.  After a while, the hallways began buzzing with lawmakers and the time came.  Our testimonies finally beginning after 6pm.  Tired but determined, we shared our pain, stories and pictures again.  We asked for the government to step up and do the right thing.  Then, many senators echoed our own words, Tim Neville asked us to hold their “feet to the fire”.  Rollie Heath exclaimed, “Your testimonies are difficult to hear… this event is due to the negligence of state agencies.”  The over-arching theme being: we want to make this right.  Co-sponsor Bill Cadman closed with “we need to take responsibility above and beyond… Governmental immunity is not moral impunity.” 

Both bills will now go to the Governor.   They are far from perfect – and yet they are better than nothing.  As Scott Appel (who lost his wife Ann) pointed out, “The legislation says what can be done. It does not say what will be done.” 

We are not even close to being finished.  Many challenges lie ahead.  And, just because they may remove the liability caps, does not mean they will ever pay any money.  There are no guarantees in this game called government.  We will still have to prove our cases, express our pain, show our pictures, and tell our stories.  We will need to return over and over to the Capitol or similar venues.  There will be no immediate gratification – or anything even close. 

I am proud to be among my neighbors.  We don’t have to walk through this alone – together we are stronger.  We have our supporters in the public, seemingly in the legislature and definitely in the media.  We are grateful to Channel 7 and Marshall Zellinger and Amanda Kost for tirelessly keeping this story alive, for taking a multitude of trips up to our charred forests, for staying up late and getting up early, for looking into our eyes and hearts and being willing to fight for us. 

And even with all the support, we know we are just beginning.  As my dear neighbor Sharon Scanlon said, “It isn't over 'til the fat lady sings and she isn’t singing for a long, long time.” 

Wrestling

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world. 

Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. Margaret Mead

What will this day hold?  More letters to the Governor?  Sifting through emotional ashes?  Meetings with attorneys?  Writing insurance inventory?  Maybe a walk with the dogs?  Then falling into bed at the end of the day exhausted yet waking up before the sun far from rested?  I wonder.

Except for a few precious things, my life is unrecognizable from before.  Fortunately, I do have the same friends – and even more than before, I must say.  My friends carry me when I want to stop.  Two of my dearest have shared their letters they wrote to the Governor they both voted for yet now are dismayed to watch him shrug his shoulders and shirk his responsibility.  I am beyond touched by their words.   

I wrote and sent my first letter to Governor Hick yesterday.  I got even more “fired up” after reading the transcript to his recent Colorado Public Radio interview and wrote him immediately.  I promised him even more letters.  I have become and activist.  

From his CPR interview on 4/26: 

“If you talk to most fire experts, they believe that the prescribed burns are essential to our long term, keeping these homes that are at the interface between urban and forest, to keeping these homes safe.  You know the questions then come back to, was this a prescribed burn, did it follow the protocols. And the Bill Bass report said it followed all the protocols.”

I am not sure what report the Governor read… the report he ordered detailed the failure of the Forest Service to monitor the fire for the required 3 days after.   And, right now, we won’t even go in to the brutal irony of a prescribed burns purpose in keeping homes safe… not this one. 

I shared the Margaret Mead quote with my neighbors this morning.  As a group, we have strength.  Alone, this task would be monumental – and frankly too much.  Who has time to advocate for rights when in the midst of a major shock to the system?  The time clocks are ticking with our insurance companies, some neighbors reporting their carriers have given them only 90 days (which is actually standard) to recreate their entire collection of worldly possessions in the form of an inventory list which will then be run through the calculators and slashed in value.  The dreaded inventory list is a painful process.  It requires thinking of every lost item at a time when we are not ready to think of those things.  It is forced recall when all we want to do is forget for a moment. 

Our group would also like to see changes to this protocol – and as a warning to the rest of you – please take heed.  In the case of total loss, we propose not having to do this painstaking inventory, instead the agreed upon amount would be simply paid.  How about this plan?  At the time of applying for your policy, you are required to complete an inventory list.  You are given a checklist to go through your house and you take stock of all your possessions.  You photo-document anything that is beyond the normal scope – rare books, art collections, one of a kind objects, designer clothes and shoes, precious metals.  Everything is accounted for in the beginning.  You put your lists and pictures in a safe deposit box as well as keeping a copy with your insurance company.  You then agree to an insured amount – and – you update it every year.  Then, in the case of loss, you are paid for that!  What a concept, huh? 

The alternative is the way we are ALL insured.  You think you know everything you own, but consider that it has all vanished, never to be seen again and now you are faced with remembering everything.  You have only a few pictures, no lists, no receipts and a very foggy memory in an overtaxed brain.  You must put a price on everything you ever owned from pencils to diamonds and you know you will forget things.  And you also know you will never ever receive the value of your possessions.  That’s just how insurance works.  It’s a gamble, a roll of the dice.  We have it, yet we hope to never need it.  The insurance companies bargain on this too and truthfully want you underinsured so they have to pay less when the shit hits the fan. 

This isn’t even taking into consideration the value of our homes.  Most people are underinsured there as well.  And, there is the issue of increasing construction costs that your policy will NOT cover. 

Many people’s initial response to, “my house burned down” is to say, “Well, you had insurance, didn’t you?”   On the receiving end, this is a jarring question.  Please remove it from your repertoire.  I too might have thought the same at one point.  Not any more.  The Governor of Colorado posed this question too.  Yuck.  He continues to demonstrate how much he really doesn’t get it. 

Consider that it’s like asking someone who was just diagnosed with a terminal disease: “well you have insurance, dontya?”  Well, yes, I have insurance, but I am dying.  Of course having it is better than not having it.  I think you catch my drift now, right? 

Yes, we have insurance – and now I am making spreadsheets instead of expanding my business.  I am inventorying my life instead of writing my book.  I am running numbers instead of creating a future.  There is only so much bandwidth during crisis.  My memory is shot.  My moods are erratic.  My sleep is disturbed.  My energy is low.  My world has gotten much much smaller.  I do what is right in front of me but the lists keep growing.  If it’s not written down, it does not exist.  I thought I had a full life before.  I believed I experienced stress before.  Ha!  I knew nothing of the kind.  The stuff I let get to me before is silly.  I am not saying I no longer let the day to day stressors get to me – just now we are dealing with one of the major stressors that a life can throw and I see that everything else really is minor.  And because of the level of stress we are experiencing, the day-to-day stressors seem to be the ones that throw us over the edge.

Will I remember this lesson in perspective?  Probably not completely because as humans as we start to heal, we forget.  We get caught up again in the racket and BS that we think is so important. 

The lack of desire to accumulate stuff right now is probably due to this knowledge.  I watch it in my neighbors as well.  I announced free stuff from our caring community at our last meeting and people’s eyes glazed over.  We don’t want stuff.  We don’t have the physical space for it, but even more, we don’t have the emotional space for it.  But we are accumulating paperwork!  Oh boy!

Paperwork is king right now and the irony is reams and reams of paperwork that we amassed and saved over the years is all gone.  These were organized papers in file cabinets all seemingly necessary for that one day when we might need them.  That “one day” is here and now our life is about re-creating that mass of paperwork from memory. 

Do I sound tired?  I am sure I do.  I am tired.  More tired than I ever remember being.  My mood is dark this morning and I am daunted by these tasks.  As I read this blog to David, he is wrestling with Tigger.  I think he isn’t listening, but really he is.  This morning, he sees some light.  Do I stay in my darkness or join him in his light?  My darkness is beckoning.  His light is inviting.

I will stop writing and go wrestle with Tigger too.  

A Government for the people, by the people...

Yesterday, around 30 neighbors and families attended a hearing at the Capitol on proposed House Bill 32 152, which would raise caps for compensation for fire victims.  Representative Cheri Gerou (a mountain area resident) co-sponsored the bill with Representative Bob Gardner. 

I haven’t been to the Capital since college.  The building is beautiful and Gerou and Gardner chose to have the hearing held in the old Supreme Court chambers, an elegant vaulted room with towering stain glass images of original Colorado settlers.  The room was perfect as we discussed our fine state and what it stood for: the Wild West tamed for habitation infused with the spirit of independence formed by a community of like-minded people.

The words “by the people for the people” emerge from the fog of my formative years.  I googled this to recall the source: Lincoln’s famous quote from the Gettysburg address. “…this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom; and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.”

I have always taken government for granted.  I have been of the trusting variety.  I believe in the goodness of people and the promise of our elected officials. I know we are all human and no one can be perfect so I forgive a lot.  I tune out people’s rants and raves about corruption.  When my stepfather sardonically says, “we are the government, we are here to help,” I stop listening.  Until now, that is.  I am disillusioned, I am dismayed, and I am disgusted.  And, I am very very sad about this.  My veil of denial has been lifted and it leaves a painful rawness in its wake.  I am now on the receiving end of our governments finger pointing, blame avoiding and lack of responsibility taking shenanigans. 

As I reviewed the day yesterday, I studied recent reports and articles.  Marshal Zelinger, an investigative reporter for Channel 7 and a clear friend to us fire victims, has been working his butt off to uncover the inconsistencies in our elected officials responses to this government caused disaster.  In a recent article, Zelinger quotes our swashbuckling Sherriff, who apparently can’t read.  It begins relatively harmlessly:

"We're not saying that somebody should not be held accountable," Sheriff Ted Mink said. "All we're saying is there's no criminality that we have come up with."

I tend to agree.  Even though the Forest Service employee’s actions lead to the excruciating death of innocent civilians and the destruction of millions of dollars in property, I am not sure they are criminals.  Certainly, they were careless and negligent.

From Wikipedia: Negligence (Lat. negligentia, from neglegere, to neglect, literally "not to pick up something") is a failure to exercise the care that a reasonably prudent person would exercise in like circumstances. [1] The area of tort law known as negligence involves harm caused by carelessness, not intentional harm.

Now here’s where the Sherriff’s Office departs from reality: "The reports confirm previous assumptions that a prescribed burn conducted by the Colorado State Forest Service caused the fire. Based on the review of all available documents and witness interviews, it was determined that the CSFS followed or exceeded the parameters set by the Lower North Fork burn plan, and that no criminal violation of the Colorado Revised Statutes occurred."

Zelinger points out this is all a fine interpretation except for the tiny fact that: “A report by the governor's office, released on Monday, showed that the state forest service violated its own burn plan by not patrolling the area of the controlled burn on that third day -- Sunday -- the day before the controlled burn blew up into the Lower North Fork Fire.”  Hmmmm, "followed or exceeded"?  How do they figure?

Zelinger goes on to ask Mr. Mink, "How can the Forest Service follow and exceed the burn plan and violate it at the same time?"

Mink replies, "All I know is they did not go out there on a Sunday. The burn plan says periodic monitoring, and it doesn't give a prescribed day or time or day or whatever the case is. You can interpret it in different ways. We interpreted it that they did follow and exceed it in the criminal part of our investigation."

Apparently, Mink did not read the Governors report which stated that procedure calls for 3 days of monitoring after a controlled burn…

It gets worse. Bill Bass, the leader of the fact-finding team that issued the report states, "For the life of me, I've looked through this thing, and it was a professionally written plan, it was professionally implemented, albeit one mistake on a patrol on Sunday."

Albeit one mistake… one small error in judgment.  A decision not to follow protocol even after high wind and red flag fire warnings were issued 3 days earlier.  Apparently checking the weather is not on their checklist.  And, Sunday being a day of rest and all... 

That illustrious “burn boss” decided it wasn’t necessary to go on patrol on Sunday, saying that the site looked good and the weather prediction was favorable.  Favorable for fire, that is.  I mean really? 

Bass goes on to say, the absence on Sunday did not make a difference in how the fire grew...  Did not make a difference, really?  Me thinks he doth protest too much. 

"That would be speculation on my part, but I don't think it would have changed the outcome," Bass said. 

I-D-10-T alert!

Now, I will go throw up.  Seriously.  We have all heard of politicians pulling their bullshit and the government shirking responsibility.  We have heard it so many times that we are numb to it.  Until, we are directly impacted by it. 

The government needs to be free to act in its capacity not obstructed by concerns of liability therefore we have what is called the “Governmental Immunity Act”, otherwise known as “Sovereign Immunity”.  It began with the notion that “the king can do no wrong.”  It makes the Country, and the States that utilize it, immune from prosecution.  And, I get it, up to a point.  If a police officer kills a pedestrian in a high-speed chase, he (or she) cannot be sued.  If the police were not protected from this, they could never chase criminals; the stakes would be too high.  But what if he happens to be drunk?  Is he still immune?  Obviously, there are many gray areas.

In 1987, a 17-foot boulder was dislodged by a Colorado state highway worker, rolling off a mountainside, smashing into a tour bus and killing 7 people and injuring dozens more. 

The Governor at that time, Roy Roemer, stated,  “It's a terrible accident.  Quite frankly, it's our responsibility to make it right.''

He said the state would pay medical costs for the injured, help bring family members to Colorado and provide counseling. ''I am personally accepting responsibility for the state,'' he said. ''We'll let the lawyers catch up with us later.''  (New York Times 8/11/87)

Roemer went on to make good on his promise.  They didn’t know where the money would come from.  Part of Sovereign Immunity is to place caps on financial liability.  At the time the cap was $400,000 per incident.  Now, it is $600,000 per incident – for all involved.  Roemer and his supporters found a way to compensate victims.  They took the money from the Transportation District. 

Our beloved Governor, John Hickenlooper, is taking an opposite tack from former Governor Roemer.  Instead, he is playing the game of duck and cover.  Having glad-handed a few mountain residents in his 15-minute tour after the fire, yet claiming to have spoken to dozens of people - which none of our neighbors recall… He now states his vehement opposition to the Bill, citing “a dangerous precedent would be set if changes are made to the caps”.  To this concern, Rep Gardner responded, “It will be a precedent I will be proud of.”   Continuing in this vein, Gardner said, “Perhaps if the State accepted responsibly this time, they might be more careful in the future.” 

Yesterday, the fire victims had our say.  Sam Lucas son of Sam and Moaneti Lucas, choked back the tears as he shared, "I said goodbye to my parents by kissing their 20-gauge steel casket.  An open casket was not an option with my dad", due to the fact his father’s body was burned beyond recognition or any help that an embalmer could provide.

From a KWGN Channel 2 report:

Just moments before he and his wife perished in the Lower North Fork Fire, Sam Lucas was told by a 911 operator the wildfire was simply a prescribed burn.
 “This is Sam Lucas. We live up in the foothills and we just got home and it looks like there’s a fire right at the foot of Cathedral Spires,” Lucas tells the emergency dispatcher in an audio recording released Tuesday.
 “That is a controlled burn,” the dispatcher interjects, cutting off Lucas mid-sentence. “The Forest Service is out there on scene with that.”
 Lucas: “We’ve got 79 mile an hour winds up here. And they’ve got a controlled burn?”
 Dispatcher: “Yes.”
 Lucas: “Oh, wonderful. Thank you.”
 Dispatcher: “Uh huh. Bye.”
 The bodies of Sam Lucas and his wife, Moaneti, were found at the charred remains of their home on Kuehster Road the following day.

I am not going to describe the other failures in the system right now as I have detailed many in an earlier post. 

The rest of the neighbors shared memories of our dream homes, stories of precious and irreplaceable items lost, harrowing tales of the day when no one knew what was happening and repeated calls to 911 lead to a false sense of security. 

After I testified, I was cross-examined by Rep. Dan Pabon who was particularly prickly during the entire proceedings.   I described the loss of memories and irreplaceable mementos.  Pabon then questioned me saying, “The proposed bill won’t be paying for those…” I responded, “Yes, we all know that.  You can’t give us back our memories.  Sometimes the only way to make things right is financial compensation for loss.  You can’t bring back our priceless objects.  You can do the right thing.” 

The testimonies ended with Scott Appel showing a picture of his deceased wife Ann.  He talked about his unexpected delay in returning from a business trip, repeated calls to his wife where they discussed what she should do, her reports of calling 911 and receiving assurance that all was “under control”.  A short time later, she was burned alive, her remains not found for days. 

Responses from the Governors and Attorney Generals office followed.  As David Blake from the Attorney General’s office read his statement to the committee he expressed his condolences re: our testimonies – from his already printed notes.  Not too canned there.  Neighbors glanced at neighbors in disbelief.  We really felt the “authentic” compassion flowing from the higher ups. 

Our champions, Gerou and Gardner told us there is money that could be made available for us.  None of us want to get rich off of a settlement yet we see the money as a gesture of accountability on the part of those who carelessly caused this fire to rage out of control.  Most of us are not expecting that Forest Service employees should do jail time, however, we are dismayed to hear that the head of the Forest Service stated, “No one will be losing their jobs.  No one did anything wrong.”  

An overriding concern expressed was that if caps were raised for us, it would retroactively screw all of those who came before us. 

The fact is harm has flowed from a governmental action.  As Cheri Gerou so eloquently stated, “sometimes, doing the right thing isn’t convenient.”  She closed by saying, “These people are changed.  They have nothing.  Let’s give them something.” 

The Bill passed with a vote of 8 to 3.  The next step is the Senate - and if it passes there, it will go to the Governor who will certainly veto it.

We are sorry to those who came before us.  We wish the government had stepped up for you.  It may not step up for us either – yet we will fight.  We will fight for ourselves – for those who perished as well as for those who come after us. The government will screw up again.  Perhaps with more painful financial caps as retribution, they won’t be so careless in their decisions.  And, maybe they won’t take Sunday off.  

*******************************

If you want to know what you can do to help, follow the links listed in this article.  Study and see for yourself.  Then write letters, lots and lots and lots of letters.  Specifically to Governor Hickenlooper, Attorney General John Suthers and Sheriff Ted Mink.  Express your opinion.  Support this Bill.  Another concern expressed by those opposed is that under this bill, the victims won't have the right to sue.  We don't anyway!  And, $600,000 divided between all those impacted won't go very far.  This is a diversion tactic by the powers that be.  

We welcome your support.


To Contact the Governor, go to: http://www.colorado.gov/cs/Satellite/GovHickenlooper/CBON/1251592968310


Sherrif Ted Mink:
Jefferson County Sheriff's Office
200 Jefferson County Parkway
Golden, CO 80401-2697

For the Attorney General John Suther:

1525 Sherman St.

Denver, Colorado 80203

P: 303-866-4500

F: 303-866-5691

Attorney.General@state.co.us

Consumer Line: 800-222-4444

http://www.colorado.gov/cs/Satellite/GovHickenlooper/CBON/1251592968310

A crack in the armor

Yesterday we smiled.  Not that we haven’t smiled at all during the last month but the smiles previously were fleeting and slight.  Yesterday we smiled a lot.  As we scrambled to get out of the house to meet the Fire Marshall, we bumped into each other, our non-existent patience worn thin.  I had a conference call to start my authors on their writing day – another one I wouldn’t be joining – and begged their forgiveness as I adjusted the time to make our important appointment. 

When we arrived, we were greeted by a group of neighbors, Randy the Fire Marshall, Kate from the County, Sean from Planning and Zoning and Dan from the Fire Department – with a shiny red fire truck.  Although the sun was shining, a biting wind chilled us to our core as we stood and waited for the bad news to begin.  This meeting was to detail our “options” around improving our road.  We had received the news that due to the poor condition of our private roads, unless we brought them up to snuff, we would not have rights to any future emergency services which would prohibit the desire of any insurance company to insure us again (if they ever would anyway…).  This was very bad news when we first got wind of it.  A major roadblock in our future plans with a giant price tag attached. 

Randy welcomed and gathered us around.  I liked this man the first time I met him last summer when we were petitioning to join Inter-Canyon Fire Department and be released from North Fork.  Our house was much closer to ICFD so it made practical sense.  He made a few site visits at the time.  I responded instantly to his no nonsense approach and Sam Sheppard twinkle.  This time, he was the bearer of bad news.  David and I snuggled against the wind and waited for Randy to throw down the gauntlet in this bureaucratic behemoth. 

Randy began, “We know how much you are dealing with and we have decided that we don’t want to add even more to your plate.  We will be making recommendations – not requirements - for road improvement.”  An audible sob caught in my throat.  The first piece of good news since this nightmare began.  After that, all the details of filing of permits, checking easements, erosion assessments, septic requirements, well tests and such all seemed minor.  Here was a group of government employees on a Saturday morning declaring their support to us through the process.  Yes, it is still an arduous process but we saw some good from our government versus all the finger pointing and throat clearing that has been coming from our swash-buckling Sherriff and Governor. 

My sass then emerged, and all I wanted to do was to ride in the fire truck.  I began in my normal way, “can I drive the fire truck?” and settled on a ride to my property a mile down the road.  I climbed into the belly of the beast and we bounced along our jeep trail of a road toward our place.  I looked for sirens I could sound or PA’s I could key to announce our approach.  I decided not to push my luck, certainly not wanting to further traumatize my already shell-shocked neighbors.  As we approached the last turns before our property, I noticed a wisp of smoke.  Poking Dan, I asked what it was.  He stopped to investigate and discovered it was the fire, still alive, still burning in the roots of a tree.  We climbed down to the source and could see the spot had worked on as there was a deep hole to dampen the area.  Yet, a whole month later, it still smoldered.  (And, again, tell me what made the forest service think that 3 days of putting out their controlled burn was enough?)  I asked Dan if I could spray the hose.  He used the lighter hose and instructed me to hold it close to my body and spray the F out of the fire.  (He didn’t say that exactly…)  I hankered to blast the F out of it; to vent my rage and fury on this destructive fiend that still breathed after devouring my home.  Instead, the hose flowed, and then trickled, yet clouds of steam filled the air as I doused it as best I could.  The water turned white and bubbly, it sizzled and smoked as it took its last breaths.  My initiation complete on my inaugural journey. 

Having fought fire, I worked up quite and appetite and chose to head to Evergreen instead of to the house for a day of insurance inventory.  After benedict at Wildflower Café, we visited Evergreen Gallery.  When we bought the house, David gave me a painting called “Re-Birth” of a momma and baby elephant.  Along with most of our art (minus 2 of my mom’s original paintings), this piece went up in flames.  The Gallery was able to find this exact piece 9 years later – and discovered an original actually exists.  We only saw pictures of it and will go back when the artist is in town but in the meantime, my craving for art began to emerge. 

As I shared yesterday, I am joining forces with the Aspens in our mutual healing journey.  Being a small gallery in a mountain town, there were plenty of Aspen motifs.  A vivid photograph mounted on heavy piece of slate jumped out at both of us.  A lone golden Aspen set against a forest of snow-covered pines.  I know they are pines, and it is snow, but when I gaze at it it transforms to ash covered trees, decimated by fire with the solo Aspen blazing it’s golden glory and will to survive.  It makes me happy.  Another piece grabbed my heart – a transparent photo with a view up into a thick grove of Aspen’s in all their greenery set against the blue sky.  When rested against a window, this piece is further illuminated from the sun, shining brightly with its promise of hope.

We are still being quite choosy about what we buy yet, if feels good to have a few pieces.  I stare at the lone Aspen as I write this morning.  It will be the placeholder of all those glorious trees that we lost.  They say that Aspen are the first to come back after a fire.  I hope so.  I have always loved and felt kinship with them.  Appearing to be individual trees on the surface, in truth, they are connected through the earth with a common root system.  The metaphors are obvious.  I will allow their fortitude to fortify me.  I will patiently wait for their glory to return.  

The Darkness Descends

Yesterday was dark.  I never managed to emerge from the clouds.   I saw brief rays of sunshine but they passed quickly and disappeared back into the muck.   As I sat down to write yesterday, all I could feel was a deep exhaustion.  Hoping the day would bring some lightness to my mood, I chose to write later.  Instead, by the end of the day, I couldn’t focus.  Until Dusty came over and lifted my spirits, that is.

On Sunday night, we had the first meeting of the homeowners who lost homes.  Putting faces to names and coming together as a group was good.  Seeing the devastation in their faces was heart breaking.  We are now bonded in ways that will sustain.  We may drift out of each others lives, but we will never forget our connection.  Having survived a fire and now dealing with the agony of putting our lives back together; we are part of a club that no one ever wanted to join.  Grown men who were strangers a few weeks ago now openly share their tears.  Women meet for the first time with open arms and deep sobs.  We look knowingly into each others eyes.  One neighbor shared her struggle with merely buying a bra – I understand.  I haven’t been able to purchase my teakettle yet.  I know I want it but can’t quite pull the trigger.  For a shopper, this is weird.  The joy is gone from shopping.  It now resides in the column of overwhelming tasks. 

Last night, another neighbor shared words that danced in my head all day, “it seems to be getting worse…” He went on to explain, “I was numb at first.  In disbelief.  Now the reality is setting in, along with the massive amount of work that needs to be done.  And, the work that lies in front of us all seems unending.  Life may never return to ‘normal’.”  Hearing my thoughts come out of another’s mouth is validating, at least.  We do know we are not alone. 

Yesterday, those who lived on my road got confirmation of a very big hurdle we must clear - another "gift" of the fire.  Part of the early appeal of our lovely home was its jeep path of a road that is our only access.  The fire department isn’t as enchanted as we were.  They say that unless we improve our road to current safety standards, they will not provide us with emergency services.  I won’t go into all the details of this can of worms right now.   Suffice it to say, it is necessary – and massively expensive.  One price tag we have heard is a mere $150,000.  It’s a good thing we have that lying around right now…

Yes, the darkness.  It seems at every turn there are more hurdles, more red tape, and more things that need to be researched.  I am becoming an expert in things I never wanted to know.  They told us it would be like this.  We hoped ‘they’ were wrong.  And, add insult to injury, we continue to see statements such as those by our renegade cowboy Sherriff Ted Mink who admonished the 285 community last week by telling us we shouldn’t rely on 911 to keep us safe.  Of course, there was no rebuttal allowed in that moment, no space to share the fact that we did not rely on 911 for if we had, we would be dead.  Neighbors saved neighbors lives.  We found other ways to access information.  We supported each other.  911 operators told us not to worry.  We used common sense and disregarded their advice.  The overwhelming consensus among all neighbors who were impacted – if we had trusted 911 or relied on just that – many many more would have died that day. 

With bile rising in my throat, I watched Mr. Mink express his view of the event where the Forest Service still peddles their claim that "they did everything they possibly could to make sure the fire was out and not just out but, cold and out.”  Hmmm.  We beg to differ – as does the Governors report.  Ted Mink sure buys it though!  Glad he isn’t biased.  In this particular news segment, they share that the 3 men in a pick up truck who arrived at 10am on Monday to “check on things” packed up to go even after seeing the fire smoldering… and didn’t call for help for over 30 minutes.  Good thing they had those hand tools – but apparently didn’t think to bring enough water.  Where is the case of Evian when you need it?  Also, such a good thing that they took Sunday off to have a little R&R even though that was breaking protocol… (You can read excerpts of the report here) 

I have never cared to be a political activist; I have never written a letter to the government.  I have checked all of this off as “handled” and put my attention elsewhere in life.  On March 26^th, all this changed too.  I will write to the Sheriff.  I will write to the Forest Service.  I will write to the Governor.  Watching our elected officials circle the wagons to protect their own is hugely disgusting.  I can’t live in ignorance anymore.  I must rally with my neighbors.

The most upsetting part of our meeting on Sunday was hearing from Scott Appel whose life has been shredded due to faulty decisions of some distracted bureaucrats.  Scott implored us to gather together, to not let this fade from the memory of the public (as it already is), to keep our stories in the media for as long as possible.  He begged us to seek justice.  We are with you, Scott.  We know we all narrowly escaped the fiery fate of your beloved wife.  

Sick

I did it.  I read the report.  And, now I feel sick.  I smell my own sweat in my stress reaction. I will share some of what I read.  And, some of what I heard at the Town Hall meeting last night. 

But first, I must say that there are those who are already saying we mountain residents should buck up.  We chose to live in a fire zone so what are we whining about.  I have actually seen comments such as these.  To that I say, when it’s an act of God, a fire is still devastating – and yes, we live here knowing this is a possibility.  We, like many of our neighbors had a “defensible space” around our home.  And, ironically, we received a grant from the Forest Service to preform this work.  They approved the thinning and marked trees that needed to go.  We also had a metal roof, fire resistant decking and metal siding on 1/3 of our house.  This fire was not an act of God.  It was an act of human error - and bureaucracy at it’s finest.   So yes, we are a little mad. 

I must remember, it’s always the ignorant that spout off at the mouth and are critical of a victim’s response.  We are all familiar with the “blame the rape victim” reaction.  “Well, she shouldn’t have been wearing such a short skirt and walking the streets by herself…”  These morons are to be expected.  When they turn up in our government, it is a little more disturbing. 

I will hit some of the “highlights” of the Prescribed Fire Review (ordered by the Governor’s office) dated April 13^th, 2012 with some editorial comments in italics:

There were record snowfalls in February – and then an abrupt pattern shift resulted in the driest and one of the warmest months of March on record.  All snowfall gains were depleted.  The weather pattern supported a high frequency of wind events, exacerbating the drying of fuels along the Front Range.  Sounds like a good time to stage a “controlled burn”, dontcha think?

March 23^rd marked the beginning of changing atmospheric conditions that became more conducive to support large fire activity…  A new record temp was hit in Denver on the 22^nd of 76 degrees.   Perfect…

A Fire Weather Watch was issued on March 24^th for the 26^th.  The Incident Command Officer patrolled the area on foot and ATV seeing no heat within the 200 feet of the perimeter. 

Even with the Fire Weather Watch predicted, they decided that no patrol was necessary on the 25^th…  Yet, the findings in the report state: “No patrol operations occurred on Sunday 3/25.  The burn was unstaffed.  Leaving the burn unstaffed on the third day following ignition is not consistent with burn plan requirements.   The plan states: “The fire will be directly patrolled and monitored for a minimum of 3 days following the initial burn, and then until significant moisture is received of the fire is declared out.”   Why would they choose to not follow protocol?  Why did they ignore the Fire Weather Watch?  Well, Sunday is supposed to be a day of rest…

On Sunday the 25^th at 526am, the NWS Forecast reported: “Fire weather watch in effect from Monday morning through Monday evening with strong winds and low relative humidity… “

Then at 1215pm on the 25th, the NWS upgraded the Fire Weather Watch to a Red Flag Warning. 

Aren’t they glad they stayed home? 

On Monday the 26^th, the NWS issued a “Red Flag Warning with 60mph gusts of wind.” 

At 10am on the 26^th, the Incident Commander and 2 firemen arrive in a pickup truck at the scene for patrol.  Had to sleep in, couldn’t get there earlier, I guess…

At 11am, conditions begin changing at the site – winds increasing.  At 1230, crew on the site notice “embers” being blown. 

At 1pm, they discover small spot fires outside the perimeter.  They order another fire engine – but no firefighters.  (hmmmm, don’t worry fella’s, we got this!)  They notice an increase in smoke and at 140pm, and discover a new spot fire outside the perimeter of the “controlled burn”. 

Within 15 minutes, the spot has grown to 1.5 acres and was “growing fast”.  Additional resources are called in and arrive at 2pm.  By 230 it has grown to 7 acres and is declared “an escaped fire”…

Predicted meteorological conditions were consistent with historic fire events across Colorado. 

Lessons learned (it SERIOUSLY says these things….): 

• Chunks of charred material in the black can reignite on a hot windy day when exposed to ember wash.  Hmmmm, this is big news for our “experts” who have years and years of forest fire experience…
• Recognize that an area that gave a problem during blacklineing could be a problem area during subsequent ignitions or mop up
• Pay closer attention to the weather. 
• Residual heat sources can be an escape threat during high winds
• Patrol and monitoring needs to be more responsive and adaptive to changing conditions
• Portable weather stations are a great source of site-specific weather info.  Make sure they are properly maintained (The wind direction sensor was malfunctioning since March 19^th…)

I will only briefly mention some other breakdowns in the “perfect storm”, including the failure in the Reverse 911 system which called people across the country to evacuate, yet didn’t call most of us who had Littleton or Morrison addresses (every home that burned had a Littleton address)…  Or the breakdown of communication between the fire departments on scene…. Or the reports of citizens being told “not to call every time you see smoke” (as reported in the Denver Post).  Or worse still, the tragically poignant recording of Ann Appel (who died in the fire) being assured by a 911 operator that crews were on the scene, she hanging up sounding relieved… And, there were many transcripts with calls such as this. 

Last night at the Town Hall meeting, Mike King (on behalf of the Governor) discussed yet another breakdown - the chain of command of the Forest Service has no single line of authority – and thusly no single chain of accountability.  The Colorado State Forest service is a division of Colorado State University, and is managed by two different departments.  A perfect storm of bureaucracy at work…

During the open Q&A session, Mike King also shared this illuminating insight with a small group of concerned citizens, “the person in charge of the burn is dealing with a terminally ill family member” and "his head really isn't in the game."

To quote my husband on his blog:   

“First of all, I would like to offer my deepest sympathy. I can imagine how distracting and heart wrenching that must be. I can imagine that because I just lost nearly everything I owned and almost lost my wife in that fire. So, I can guess at how that could impact someone’s judgment. In my case, I have had to ask people to cover for me on days when I cannot think straight because I am aware that I am not functioning at full capacity. That is because, it does not matter how I feel about it or what my intentions are, if I do not perform, I am ultimately responsible.”

A perfect storm of human error destroyed our homes and killed three people.  King closed by saying, “We can’t make it better.  We can’t make it right.  But we understand what you are going through….” 

Really?